My Life

An Introduction to my Parents

Parents are the ones who created you and the ones you are supposed to count on to care for you no matter what, however that is not the case with all parents including mine. As you guys know if you are a current reader I am half Caucasian and half Thai. My father is Caucasian and my mother is Thai. My parents separated and then proceeded to a divorce when I was 5 years old.

My mother has been in my life from the very beginning to present. She has not done the best job and you’ll learn why very soon. I love my mom, but she can be very unreasonable and inconsiderable all at the same time. Here’s a little bit of background about my mom. She met my father in Thailand, and fell in love. They had a relationship for a few years and then got married in Thailand. My mom then came to the United States with my father and became a resident of the United States. My mom was a homemaker while she was married to my father. My mom has no educational background. She says, “learning does not go with her.” I honestly think my mom does not want to try. My mom attended school up until the 6th grade in Thailand and then stopped because she had to help her mom (my grandmother) with her kids, my mom’s siblings. My father tried to encourage her to get an education here in the United States at an adult school, but she was simply not committed. I do not know what the exact amount of time she spent in adult school, but I know my mom gave up. So my mom does not understand whatsoever what my brothers and I are dealing with in school. She cannot relate to us nor help us. My mom can speak English and read a little bit, but she still needs major help. Another problem my mother has is agreeing with my stepfather about opinions he has of me.

At the age of 10 years old is when my father left. He had custody of me on the weekends which was not revoked from him, from my understanding he chose to leave. So I never really got to know him. To this day I still don’t know what my roots are from the other half of my ethnicity. I have never met his family and barely know anything about him. I wish at the age of 12 I would have known I had a choice to live with my dad because I would have chosen it immediately. I love my brothers and my mom I do, but I could have had other opportunities. The reason I never knew about that rule was because no one ever told me. I truly wish I knew at a younger age. To this day, I still believe it was my fault that he left. Although, after doing some research I have read that it is rarely the child’s fault. I cannot help but think of a phone call I had with him where he was upset which resulted with me crying. After that phone call, my stepfather advised me to write it down because my father was upset and took it out on me. That little note I wrote went to court and all I can remember is not seeing him for a while and then him coming one last time to say goodbye. He never gave me an explanation, so this is the explanation I gave myself. I regret writing that letter to this day. I was 7 at the time and had no idea the impact I would have. I knew it was going to court, but as a child I thought nothing truly bad would result from it.

From the age of 5 to the age of 10 I had 3 “parents” in my life, my mother, father, and stepfather. My mother did not remarry, but she has been with the same man for about 17 years to this day. Here’s the thing with my stepfather, growing up with him was different because I didn’t have a dad and he was NEVER my dad. He was always very hard on me compared to my brothers. I had to do a lot on my own like get to school, pay bills and take care of myself from the young age of 11. I would see the relationship my brother had with his dad and I would envy it, until I grew older and realized I deserved better. I envied the attention he got growing up, because I stopped receiving attention once my mom started to work and then even less when my stepdad went to work with her which was when I was about 10 years old. My stepfather supposedly has a Business degree from Thailand, but from the United States he has nothing. He took some classes at an adult school and a community college and is somewhat educated. He, however, has always criticized every single thing I do with my life. My jobs, grades, and basically tells meI am never good enough and never will be.

When I was 7 years old my half-brother was born. My stepfather treated me fairly well as if I was his own like the saying goes. Once my brother started to get older, that is when the unfair treatment began. My parents favor my brother over me. You may think, “oh well she’s just being dramatic that’s completely normal.” Is it completely normal to leave your 11 year old daughter to babysit your 5 year old son while you’re at work or god knows where?! Is it okay to punish your 11 year old daughter for something your son did while you were not home? Is it okay to spend child support that is intended for your daughter on the casino or yourself?

Well, you’ll be sure to learn more about all that in my future posts.

Thank you for reading.

If you can relate, I would love to read comments.

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2 Comments

  1. So sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you get a chance to explore your family heritage on your father’s side one day.

    1. DeannaSStilwell says:

      Thank you so much for reading and your extremely kind words! I hope so too, but I think without having much of a family I’ve been more grateful to the people I’m surrounded by.

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