Do you ever believe you are your biggest fan and then when things start going well for you that little voice in your head starts to tell you you’re going to mess it up? This happens to me way too often and I’ve been working on it. It has improved so much in the past year! I’ve had much more opportunities which have lead me to greater opportunities and friends.
If I could go back in time to when I first started doubting myself, I would tell myself to enjoy things as they come. Enjoy all the experiences instead of worrying about messing them up somehow and letting anxiety rear it’s ugly little head into my head keeping me up at night. I would count my blessings more and although I was thankful in the past I would’ve liked to enjoy everything I had more. Looking back at my previous experiences despite my complaining which was totally justifiable I did make the best of things. I was grateful to get out of my home more, to meet new people and in all honesty to get paid. I saved up most of my money and spent it wisely. I always planned for my future expenses so they would always be covered.
Even now, I was just hired on the spot for a full-time position and after a few days of things not going as planned (which bothers me) it made me start to doubt myself. Two of my training days were rescheduled so I started thinking of all the worst possible outcomes. My boyfriend reassured me everything was fine and it was going to go smoothly. Part of me just likes releasing all of the pessamisitic thoughts I have. I don’t know what it is but it’s like a process I’ve come up with. I mean of course I believe in myself we all have to be our own #1 fan and supporter. Once events and plans start coming along I think of all the good outcomes and then all of the bad outcomes and I like saying all of the bad outcomes aloud because I say the good ones in my head all the time. I don’ know? Do you guys do anything similar?
What have I been doing to stop my self doubt you may be asking? Well I’ve just tried to have more faith in myself. I’m starting not to say the most pessimistic possibilities more so I can just have good vibes all around. More positive thoughts lead to more positive action right? I’m a pretty positive person to be honest the only people I let see my pessimistic thoughts are my closest friends and my boyfriend.
Overall I do believe in the best outcome because I do work hard and give it my all. I know I deserve great things, but since they rarely happen I just wait for the other shoe to drop like a crazy person. Now I’m starting to think of all the possibilities that could happen for me. I’m just continuing to cheer myself on and be proud of myself for making it as far as I have on my own. That’s such a huge accomplishment, I pay all of my bills and go to school and work for myself. Not many people can say that at 22 years old and I won’t let anyone take away my accomplishments. I’m going to be fighting for myself more.
What do you do when you start to doubt yourself?